Two boys, ages 12 and 15, are dead. We read headlines everyday: shootings in schools, missing, hurt and exposed children– It is upsetting to think about. Fortunately those we love are safe, that is what we tell ourselves. We are safe. It wont happen to us. The closer the incident the more our comfort zone of safety is striped away.

My family lives in South Jordan, Utah. One of the safest states in the country and in one of the safest towns. Our neighborhood is Daybreak. It is so idealistic that they advertise picture perfect beautiful people, homes, and yards with the tag line “This is getting good”. It is good. It is Daybreak good.

Last Friday two boys were killed, the names were just released. The details of why are still not clear. Was it an accident? A suicide? We don’t know. What we do know is that mothers have lost their precious children. She will live and they are gone. It is not the right order of things to bury a child.

I know because I have buried a child. My Katelynn would be four. Her death was not an accident. It was not violent. It was her body giving out due to rare medical issues. It gnaws at me constantly, I have to choose to be happy to go forward. I find comfort that her death couldn’t be prevented. But for these two boys – Everything that went wrong could have been prevented. How does a mother deal with that? I wish I could offer her some advice that would help her! Even though I have sat by a grave site wondering how I could go on. I know that I have nothing to offer her. It is not the same. None of us really know how another person is feeling, what their experience is — Yet we think we do and we make judgments all the time. What we think we would have done, said and how strong we think we would be or not be and we don’t even really know ourselves until we are there. I hope for her that she will find the strength needed. I plead for her that judgments and hurtful comments of others will be filtered out. I pray that in her dark moments where the grief literally knocks her off her feet that she will be able to kneel and feel the guidance and comfort that only God can give. I know in those moments for me – Where breathing felt like a betrayal — that prayer helped, and helps still.

I don’t think I know them. I don’t know. One of the boys is just older than my son… I have spoken twice at the school. Was that boy in the audience? We are all wondering why and how our children will be effected. We are all wondering about the poor mothers. It is just so sad, tragic, and wrong to see a life so young… gone. We all want to think something so sad would not only never happen to us but that we will be safe from it.

When I hear about a shooting, a death far away I can offer nothing but prayers. I can send humanitarian packets.. I can donate. Now this is here in my neighborhood. I want to take food over. I want to hold her hand… and then I realize I might as well be a world away. I think I can do those things, but really if I don’t know her she doesn’t want me to hold her hand, she doesn’t want my tears. The tears of a stranger. I want to do those things to comfort me. So I can hope that her friends and family rallies to her side… you know the people she actually knows. I can go to the funeral and I hope that our neighborhood shows up in force to silently offer our support. I can donate money and may be able to take a meal over but in the end she will be hurting at times I could never touch her with comfort. When really even those close to her can’t. So we pray. I pray for her. I pray for the boys.

The day before if you had asked me where I lived I would have told you about the idealistic setting, the low crime.. now when it is closer to home. I am so aware that it is not my home. And it could be. It could be any of our homes. Even in all the perfection and care of our lives – Horrid, awful things could happen even to us. So instead of thinking, we are all safe, I hope that the one thing I could give as advice. Not to the mothers of the boys but to us: To not judge her, to not judge her boy. Because judgment is just a way we hold others away from our hearts and count ourselves blessed. It could have been, and could be our child there, dead. So we should pray and give all the love we can. And be grateful for today.